do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
