I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
