Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
