The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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