Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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