I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
