so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
