I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Pooping to opera.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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