you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
