She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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