He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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