Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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