Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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