Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Dick very happy bro
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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