you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Sorry about my life...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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