where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
