so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
