Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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