Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
