he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
