So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
