i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
