Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
