My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
