wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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