So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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