i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
