I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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