so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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