i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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