I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
