I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
