i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize