I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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