He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
