Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
