I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
