We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
