Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
