I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
