ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
