that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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