I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
