I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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