How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
