She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
