New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
