Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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