we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
