If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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