All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
