just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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