I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
