Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
