I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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