I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
