He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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