This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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