so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
