Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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