I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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