im drinking this country out of the recession.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
