I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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