I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
