Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
