Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
