I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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