The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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