So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
