Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
