Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
